You may not realise it but when you start online dating, you are entering a battlefield.
Competition is fierce and the stakes are high. Especially with women being chased by men, no matter how “Out of my league” a lady is, every guy will have a crack and messaging the attractive ladies first.
And once they have bombarded the attractive ladies, they then start working their way down the attractive ladder in an attempt to strike up an online dating conversation with someone, anyone.
Everyone jostling for attention, or fending it off.
It’s not just the guys who need help with romantic conversations either. Ladies are often equally as guilty of not conversing correctly.
Firstly, the girls rarely ever make first contact, despite it being the 21st century and not medieval times. Secondly, if a lady does contact a man then they usually say something generic like “Hi how you” followed by a winky smiley. And that’s it. Nothing else, nothing to reply to.
So let’s go through five top tips for online dating conversations to help you to maximise your chances of striking up a successful conversation.
Don’t Be Generic In Your Online Dating Conversations
For all of these tips, we are going to discuss them from the point of view of a man contacting a woman, because this is what 90% of online dating interactions commence with.
However, everything we say here equally apply to ladies contacting men for the first time as well.
Research by OkCupid suggests that generic openings turn people off.
But when a man flicks through the profiles, sees a photo and is interested, he visits her profile and finds it contains nothing other than “If you want to know anything just ask”.
So what’s a guy supposed to do? He wants to know everything! But what does he ask first? And if he asks something that is perceived as too personal, ladies being what they are will panic and not reply.
The result is he “hedges his bets” by sending a generic email unlikely to offend. The problem is it minimises his chance of capturing attention and getting a response.
So make sure your message allows somebody to start a conversation in their reply and take some time to create a profile that people can ask questions about.
Say Something Surprising
A great tactic is to simply open with a one-liner that captivates the person who reads it. So say something unusual and surprising to raise their interest and make them look your profile.
If you were once hit by a car, turn that into a positive. Say something like “I was once hit by a car and it made me realise I needed to seize the day. So I thought I would take a chance and contact you, because I loved reading your profile.”
In those two sentences, you have made them wonder how badly you hit by a car, generating a question. You have also suggested that you are outgoing. And finally, you have signaled that you read their profile and are interested in them as a personality. You have hit three sweet spots to maximise the chance of getting a response.
Give Them Something To Reply To
We have already briefly touched on this, but you really do have to understand that there is no point in sending a message to someone if there is nothing to reply to.
Always make sure you ask a question or include a fact that demands a question in return.
Unless you have a superb profile and that person takes the time to look at it, and with ladies receiving 50 messages a day that is unlikely, then you need to hook them straight in. Give them something to work with immediately, something to eaasily create a response to.
Demonstrate That You Actually Looked At Their Profile
Ladies hate men contacting them on the basis of the looks. Forget the fact they spent hours creating the photos and making themselves look as attractive as possible. Forget the fact that they love compliments, dressing and acting to receive them every day of their life.
Forget it all.
Work on the theory that if you are contacting a lady on a dating site you have to show an interest in them as an equal, as a human being. I know, it’s tough but you have to do it (that’s a joke ladies).
It works the other way round as well. If the lady contacts a man telling them how nice they look, apart from being hugely surprised, the guy will struggle to know how to respond. Do they show humility, or do they go for confidence?
So don’t set someone up to fail in their response. Ask them a general question about something on their profile to demonstrate you have an interest in them as a person.
And Our Final Tip For Online Dating Conversations Is…
Whether you are sending the first message, or responding to it, you will not strike up a good conversation if you are rude, or are perceived to be rude.
Make sure your style is open, light-hearted and not questioning.
It’s obvious why, but too many women on dating sites are instantly defensive of anyone who contacts them. You can understand why they are jaded, when you have a look at ladies inbox on a dating site. They are stuffed full of 50 messages a day from idiots. Most women admit that they skim messages and do not read 90% of them.
That is why even if they like the look of your photo and your profile, a female will still be very sceptical if they respond to you.
So whether you are creating your first dating message, or responding to it always strike a conversational tone that will allow you and your prospective date to strike up a successful conversation.