Isn’t online dating great?
In 10 minutes you can create a profile on one of the big dating sites and be on the hunt!
Or you can try something like plenty of fish, which has a great mobile app that allows you to connect with others all day and night.
Whatever route you choose, getting into online dating quickly is easy to do. Within a few hours you can be chatting to people nearby, flirting and arranging to meet up for that great first date.
But do you actually have the space in your life for a new relationship?
Online Dating Does Not Always Lead To Happy Endings
I don’t think my experience has been unusual. I have found in my time doing online dating that a lot of the people you meet don’t really have the time to build the relationship they claim they want.
It can be that they do not have the time, but often it’s that they simply will not make the time by letting other things in their life go.
One of the problems is that nowadays there is so much to do, that single people rapidly fill their lives with “stuff”. They go to the gym, they go running, they socialise, they work harder, they see their family.
Add to that other interests and hobbies, plus children and pets, and suddenly every hour of the week is gone.
Let me give you an example.
I met a lady from a dating site for a first date. We got on really well and had another couple of dates. Everything was going really well. But it quickly became apparent that the only reason she got the time to meet with me initially was because it was the school summer holidays.
As soon as they were over, she went back to doing her degree full time, five days a week. She had two children who she had full custody of to look after on top of that. She had a dog and a cat.
On top of that, she liked running, which she did three times a week.
After two frustrating weeks we hadn’t agreed another date time. So I asked “Do you actually have time for relationship?”
Her response was really negative and she didn’t want to see me any more. But the truth is that I think I made her realise that although she felt lonely at times, she simply didn’t have the time and would not relinquish activities to make that time.
The truth was she wouldn’t see me because her life was full of “stuff”.
Are you really committed to going through the online dating process and getting a relationship?
That is a question I would ask you to ask yourself before you set up an online dating profile. It will save other people a lot of wasted time and effort.
Take a look at your average week. How much time you really have?
One thing I would highlight in regards that is not to think to yourself “But I have every evening free.”
The truth is, unless you are childfree, that you don’t.
Although in time you may introduce your new boyfriend or girlfriend to your children, which will allow them to spend time in your house with your family, for the first few months that isn’t going to happen.
So unless you can find time when your children are not around, then nothing will ever develop to the point where you both feel comfortable taking that next step.
So my advice is look at how a relationship would need to progress. If you do not have the time to spend a couple of hours with someone two or three times a week, then what on earth are you bothering with trying to date people?
Be Honest With Yourself Before Expecting Others To Be Honest With You
This is especially a female trait in my experience, but on a lot of dating profiles you will see people screaming for people to be honest with them.
But if you are not honest with yourself, then you will never have a relationship. With busy modern lives, and children, women especially are susceptible to dreaming of having a partner, without thinking through the detail of what that entails.
You have to be able to see a clear path to a full relationship. If you cannot see being able to give time to that person, to allow something to develop to a point where you could start sharing life together, then you really will just be going on first dates for the rest of your life and then letting people down.
If you want to learn how to be successful at online dating then this is good advice to start with. You cannot be successful at it if you cannot devote more time than just an hour a week for first dates.
Either step away from online dating, or be ready to drop some of your social activities to make space for a new person in your life.
If you don’t, you will just be hurting yourself.