Does this sound familiar in your online dating conversation experiences?
You meet someone online that you fancy and get on well with through email and text messaging. You seem to have a great rapport and are really looking forward to meeting them.
But the initial excitement disappears and by the time you get round to talking about meeting, that initial flame has completely disappeared and the other person basically ignores you.
Why has that happened?
The reason is simple. The connection you both had initially was not strong enough.
There were lots of temptations out there in the online dating world. You are probably only one of several people they are talking to, and basically just another sweet to try in the sweet shop.
The key is to create a connection, a bond, straightaway that is strong enough to get you into and through that first date.
So how do you do this?
Create the conversation topic to construct that connection
That sounds a bit of a manipulative explanatory title. But many people do everyday, especially in the world of work.
Basically you shape your topic to lead to a certain reaction in the person you are talking to. That reaction is to feel you are sharing something intimate with them, something that sets them apart.
In terms of online dating messaging, you’re trying to create seed conversations that carry on through the process between you. You are creating an empathy, connection, through the topics you discuss.
You probably understand what I mean even if you are not clear at this point, but you probably will have seen it already.
So let’s give you an example.
Plant the seed to grow a tree during your conversations
When you start talking someone, you could mention an online dating stalking story for example. It doesn’t have to be true, you are just telling them about how you had an online stalking experience. Maybe they have had one too, and this will build the strength of the connection even more, but at this point it doesn’t really matter.
What you’re doing is creating a hook that you can use at various points to prolong that initial connection, by sharing a personal experience with them.
Let’s say you then ask for their phone number. You can then create a scenario where you are cagey for a while. You can explain that this is because you are concerned about stalking but are sure they are great.
You are saying they are different, you are saying that you understand they are great person you are hoping to meet them.
Then you can refer back to that seed whenever the conversation seems to be drifting away slightly.
You can then create an even greater connection by asking to meet them and declaring that you trust them enough to do so and thank them for helping you to overcome your fear of stalkers.
So yes this is a manipulative strategy, but you are doing it for good reasons. You want to meet someone you think you have a good rapport with and you don’t want them to drift off, as happens so often.
By creating a situation, a story, that you can come back to throughout your discussions, to create that connection again, you can help the situation along to a meeting. By using the right conversation topics, engineered by you, you can create a connection much more easily.
And even when you meet someone for a real date, you can use your seed topic to break the ice. So even when the conversation moves into the real world, the connection you’ve created can continue to work for you in that initial date.