My name is Leanne and I went through what can only be described as the bizarre process of online dating in 2013.
To be truthful, online dating feels like a strange little world all on its own. Even though you are communicating with real people, it feels distant and cold. Winks and kisses are not real and you just don’t know who you are really speaking to.
And when you do actually go on a date with someone you have met through a dating site, it can often feel a very strange experience. It doesn’t matter what you have asked them before you meet, or what they look like in their pictures, it’s basically a blind date.
So if you have sent 500 first messages that say “UR so fit babe, lets chat ;-)” with no replies, then this article is for you.
Here’s Why A Lot Of Men Fail When It Comes To That Online Dating First Message
You guys don’t seem to realise the what you type reflects on you. DURGH! Come on guys, wake up!
When it comes to that first message, you rarely hit the mark because you write a load un-engaging old rubbish.
Also, please do NOT use emoticons. I know it’s reassuring when somebody winks back at you, because it confirms they are liking you visually, or on a point made, in the same way you like them.
But the problem is that it also sends a message to the lady that you struggle to communicate openly and are maybe a bit shy. It also seems a little desperate, because it’s obvious you are seeking reassurance.
The second thing you should do is keep your writing light-hearted. You already know the girls find humour funny, so make sure you are! But don’t go nuts and throw loads of jokes at us, or it just feels desperate.
Make Sure Your First Online Dating Message Is Just The Right Length
First of all, for pity’s sake don’t mention your length at all. Women don’t want to know about your penis.
Seriously though, keep it short. If your first message is too long, it can make you come across as intense or creepy. Nobody wants to read 50 paragraphs about you.
Try and focus on three points you want to make. Good points that you know we will be interested in. Good points that you know we can reply to.
For each point keep it short. One paragraph on each point, with a maximum of three sentences in each.
And make sure when you send that first online dating message that you spell check it. Also, for crying out loud don’t use text speak. Even if we have used in our profile, we may still judge your intelligence on the structure of the email you write.
I know, I know, we are brittle and fickle creatures. But you going to have to deal with that if you want to be with us.
Prove You Have Read Her Online Dating Profile
Make sure one of the points you make in your online dating first message to us is around something we have written in our profile. If you can marry up to an interest in your own profile, so much the better.
But the point is, we want to know your taken an interest in us, not just the size of our tits.
We want you to show an interest in us as individuals and the easiest way to do that is to be talk about the things we have written in our profile. You are always looking for common ground. That applies in online dating all real-world dating. So look for it and make sure we can see it in the message.
You Should Follow Up After Your First Message!
In contrast what many people say, yes you should follow up. Even if you don’t get a reply, if you’re confident your email was structured well, then after a few days follow-up.
The reason for this is that just like you, we are busy. On top of that we have to deal with 50 emails a day, when you may receive one dating message a day. I hate to say it, but sometimes even the great guys just get lost amongst the volume, or those shouting loudest.
If we get a really great email and like a cute face we may intend to reply, but with the tsunami of messages we get each day, sometimes you get swept away.
But please know when to give up. If after the second dating message you don’t get a reply, it’s time to move on.
What Do You Do After The First Message?
The same rules apply here as for online dating first message tips for men. Keep your messages short and to the point. Build familiarity, but without trying to find out everything about us.
You should move to asking us out on a date within a week or so of daily communication. If you are not communicating daily, then maybe a bit longer. But the rule should be to raise the question of meeting up within half a dozen dating message exchanges.
If you got it right, you will be going on a date and just maybe you will no longer be single. If not, review where you think it went wrong and keep on trying. It may be she was playing games, or you just didn’t do enough for her to want to meet you for real.