When your confidence is low then using a dating site can seem like a huge obstacle looming up in front of you.
To try and get some advice, you will usually search online for answers and find unhelpful, general articles giving you poor advice that you just can’t implement easily, and often from “experts” who have never actually been down there in the trenches on a dating site looking for someone.
Whatever you are doing in life, if you are shy or lacking in confidence then interaction with other people can be a really stressful experience. Many people will think that interacting online should not be stressful, but it is still a human interaction, and a very personal one because it’s about love and romance.
The other problem is that there is a gender gap when it comes to shyness. If a woman is shy it is accepted. All they have to do is sit there and wait for the man to do the work. If that guy is also shy, or limited in their ability to interact, then the woman can often throw her arms up in the air and he gets all the flak because a lack of confidence is seen as “unmanly”.
Let’s address this right now by saying that both men and women can suffer from confidence issues with online dating, and it’s the responsibility of both sexes and every individual should address those issues themselves, not expect other people to bail them out because of outdated “the man should approach the woman” dogma.
You ladies want equality? Then start taking equal responsibility for making things happen with dating!
So let’s acknowledge right here that interacting on a website can be stressful and give you three easy online dating tips for shy guys to implement right now. But not to shy guys, if you are a shy lady then these tips will also apply.
Tip One For Overcoming Online Dating Shyness
The first thing to remember is that everyone on any dating site is in the same boat.
It doesn’t matter what their role in society is, or how confident they are, everyone is out of their comfort zone with online dating.
Now obviously some are more out of their comfort zone than others, but it’s never a comfortable experience, especially in the first few months.
When you see the profile of somebody you like the look of and sound of, it’s important to tell yourself that no matter how amazing they are the bottom line is that they are on the dating site the same as you. They are looking to the same thing is you, they have the same hopes and fears as you.
So when you approach someone online it’s important to give your self confidence by telling yourself that they are looking for the same outcome as you and you should have no fear about approaching them.
Tip Two For Shy Guys Experiencing A Lack Of Dating Confidence
Tip two is sit down and take a look at yourself honestly.
Often confidence issues can come from the nagging feeling in your mind that you have not addressed problems you have. They could be physical ones, such as weight issues, it could be emotional problems, or other types of life baggage.
Sit down with a bit of paper and write down all the negatives and positives you can find about yourself. Try and work out which the biggest negative is, and which the biggest positive is in your own mind.
Then focus on those two things. Try to work towards minimizing the effects of what you see is your biggest negative trait, while encouraging yourself to develop your strongest trait.
Tip 3 To Overcome Online Interaction Shyness
The third piece of shy guy advice is obvious and unfortunately there’s no way to avoid it if you want to succeed and find somebody to move forward in your life with.
You have to go on dates as often as possible.
This means arranging to go out on a first date with people you are potentially unsure about.
That may sound counter-intuitive, but it works. If you go on a first date with the mindset that you are not that bothered about how the date goes, it can make you relax because there is less pressure on the outcome.
This can really help because that person can suddenly turn into someone you would like to get to know a lot better, because the pressure has been removed.
But even if the first date doesn’t work out, just smile and say thank you and walk away happy.
It will be nerve wracking the first couple of times, but once you’ve done it a dozen times over a few weeks then going on first dates will become a familiar experience that does not worry you any longer.
So the tip is to arrange as many dates as possible, get out of your comfort zone and talk to people without the pressure of thinking “are they the one?” every time.
So How Did I Overcome My Shyness?
When I started online dating I was shy and lacking in confidence. I was just out of a messy marriage breakup and was facing life without an income, plus shared custody of a three-year-old boy to deal with.
When I looked at online dating sites I was intimidated. I assumed everybody else was more confident.
What I did was exactly as outlined here. I told myself that everyone was in the same boat. I focused on the biggest thing knocking my confidence and worked hard to build on it. I also focused on my perceived biggest asset and worked hard to feel better about that.
Then I went online and learnt about how to approach people properly through messaging and I started. Once I got the hang of it, I was averaging two dates a week for six months.
Not only did it massively improve my confidence and minimize my shyness, but it also gave me a really refined idea of who I was looking for and not looking for. When I found the person I had really been looking for, within half an hour of meeting her I knew this was the person to me.
Eight months later and we are still going strong. So overcome your shyness, address your concerns, then get on the horse and start riding.